Stag do pranks that were top bants from Pissup

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Just in case you haven’t had the pleasure of coming across the Stag Do Kings of party planning ‘Piss up’ here’s a look at a selection of memorable Stag stitch ups. Our personal favourite has to be the poor broken Stag heading home on the mini-bus when his mates scare him half to death in the ‘Car Crash Prank’. You can almost smell his fear. Enjoy.

Stag do pranks that were top bants

Pranking the groom on a stag do is a must and as the best man you need to be the prankster of the group.

Pissup.com recently wrote an article about stag do pranks that were top bants to help all the best men out there that are struggling to come up with some stitch-ups to play on the groom-to-be.

Check out this list of the best ever stag do pranks that were definitely top bants.

Getting your stag arrested (not literally)

A group of lads hire two Latvian cops to arrest the stag for drugs they plant in the front seat of the car.

The bungee jump prank

A must-try prank for a stag do is to blindfold your stag and tell them that they are going to do a bungee jump, but instead make them jump into a baby pool. You will recognise this as it was an internet sensation.

Glue a friend’s pubic hair to the stag’s face and visit a senior centre

This prank also went viral, as the stag was made to wear a beard made up of his friend’s pubic hair. Oh and he was also gaffer taped to a wheelchair, made to hold a cabbage, was dressed in incontinence pants, clown shoes and colourful socks, all whilst being rolled into a centre for over 50s.

Smoke bomb shower

Never heard of a smoke bomb shower? Just watch and learn.

The kidnap

A classic prank for the start of the stag do is to pretend to kidnap the stag. On this occasion the groom was driving along a country lane with his fiancé, who was in on the prank, and was then jumped by his mates.

Airport prank

The stag is going through security at Budapest airport in Hungary, but gets stopped and his bag is searched. Unbeknown to him, his pals have put a sex toy in his bag strapped to a bottle of water.

Shoot the pink bunny

Paintballing is a common stag do activity and what better way to set up the stag than by dressing him in a pink bunny outfit?

Borat style fancy dress

Dressing up in a Borat-style fancy dress outfit is now commonplace for a stag do and watching this video just reinforces why it is so funny.

A game of spoons

This prank sees the stag get roped into the spoons game, but there’s a hitch as the guy he’s playing against has got one of his mates (who is supposed to be the referee) to hit the stag over the head with a wooden spoon instead of an average-sized one.

The car crash prank

Last, but certainly not least, these guys are heading home in the car after a stag do in Prague. The stag is asleep, which only means that you have one last opportunity to prank him.

Image Credit: Tom Henry (flickr.com)

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The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Stag pranks by Maximise.

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As a Best man, rocking a memorable Stag Do pitched to perfection can appear as tricky as convincing your nan that Movember is only for us guys without hurting her feelings. For a leg up look no further than the unique marvel of the good people at Maximise. They have the experience and the cahones to make sure that your Stag Do is one to be reveled in over many pints for years to come. Enjoy their guest blogging comedy gold.

Maximise are the leading specialist Stag weekend organiser in the UK. You’ll find great Stag ideas for your weekend in the UK, Europe or abroad on our website, just take a look!

Stag Pranks: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I’ll sleep better knowing my good friend is by my side to protect me” says Blondie in the classic western The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It’s a sentiment echoed by a lot of grooms-to-be on a stag do, but unfortunately it’s usually the best friend you need to keep an eye on.

In the wake of one of the most sensational stag do pranks of all time, which saw Mark Longley from Croydon, the groom,have the pubic hair of the stags glued to his face on his stag do, the stag weekend company Maximise.co.uk have put together the ultimate list of stag pranks for the best man to take inspiration from. Whatever pranks you end up using though, from the playful through to the ‘he’s-going-to-kill-me-for-doing-this’, remember to pick wisely. After all, what goes around does inevitably come around, usually around the time of your stag do.

The Good

Not all pranks have to end in tears. Play nice with these fun pranks, guaranteeing a good story for the best man speech but minimising the fear of evil prank retribution on your own stag do.

  • Sexy Hitchhiker: Only available in Eastern European countries (unsurprisingly), Maximise can organise a sexy twist to the classic hitchhiker hijack. The Sexy Hitchhiker package involves a prank straight from the plane. During the transfer from the airport to your hotel, your taxi driver will pick up a pretty girl looking for a ride. After some chit chat, the sexy hitchhiker will identify the stag and start a mini-cab strip to his surprise (and delight!)
  • Blindfold Bungee: Get the stag to face his fear of heights with blind bungee. It’ll take a lot of planning and some convincing execution, but the results will be worth the effort. Ideally incorporate into an active adventure weekend so it’s less of a random request. Get the camera ready to film the results as you watch the blindfolded groom, complete in a bungee harness, take a blind leap of faith into the abyss, only to land in a paddling pool a couple of feet away. Watch these Norwegian lads execute this prank to perfection below.

      Rabid Dog: For those who want to get truly barking mad on their stag weekend in Krakow… Got a stag who thinks he’s fearless? Get him to try our rabid dog chase! The rest of the lads will all stand back and watch the show as the stag gets baited by a K9 dog, who will hunt the stag down and latch on. Luckily enough the stag will be wearing protective gear and there will be a professional handler to keep things in order… maybe tell the stag to take a change of underwear just in case though!

  • Novelty Stripper: Enjoy this hilarious stag prank on your stag weekend in Budapest… You and the lads can watch the look of delight on the stags face at the prospect of a gorgeous stripper turning up to do her thing turn in to something else completely as our ‘bubbly’ beauty shimmies up to the man of the moment for a 15 minute performance… This buxom stripper will give you and the lads a show that none of you will forget in a hurry…

The Bad

If you’re looking to prank the stag with something a bit crueller, (maybe you want to get revenge for the pranks he organised for your stag?), then check out these lean and mean ideas.

  • Stag Arrest: This prank works best if only one or two of you know it’s a stitch up – the reaction of his terrified groom’s men with really get the stag convinced they’re in trouble.  Maximise’s Stag Arrest involves actual off-duty cops turning up to arrest your stag group on a misdemeanour charge. Those arrested will be taken away to a (now abandoned) police station that’s set up to look like a working station – there they’ll be interrogated until the prankster reveals all.
  • Get on the weights son: After the stag has finished his packing, sneak a brick or two into his luggage. Watch him struggle and sweat with his bag – but if he asks you if his bag feels heavy to you, lift it up as if it’s light as a feather and tell him to ‘get on the weights son’.
  • Busk-a-groom: Take the groom’s money and possessions, give him a guitar and force him to busk for his beer money.
  • Team Betrayal: Stuck for fancy dress ideas on a stag do? These Birmingham lads knew the outfit that would humiliate their West Brom supporting stag the most – the Wolves football kit! Getting the stag kitted out in the colour of his team’s nemesis is definitely going to wind him up a treat.

The Ugly

If it’s no-holds barred prank carnage you’re after, (and you’re prepared for your best mate to not speak to you until after the wedding), here are some more ugly stunts to consider.

  • Sexy stripper swap: Halfway through the stag’s striptease, have the female stripper blindfold him. She steps away to let a male stripper take over, unbeknownst to the stag. You’ll have some excellent, extortion-worthy video of the stag enjoy an outrageous lap dance from an oiled-up muscle man.
  • Destination Unknown: Lower the expectations of the groom by convincing him you’re headed to a cheap-but-cheerful party town. Pack everyone up on the National Express and watch the groom pretend he’s not disappointed he’s not headed to Vegas or Ibiza.  You can play the big reveal in the naff location by heading straight to the city’s airport and getting on an airplane out of there! (Just don’t forget the stag’s passport…)
  •  Preacher gotta preach:  Dress the stag as a religious figure, complete with bible, and he only gets a beer if and when he can get pedestrians to say Amen. Be careful how far you push religious dress up though; if you’re in a religious country you don’t want to upset any locals with blasphemous behaviour. After all, who can forget the stag group who dressed up as naughty nuns in Malia, only to be arrested and locked up for the night in a local Greek jail!

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  • Brown fudgies: Quite literally, the ugliest prank of them all. Anything involving laxatives is never going to end well. Before you bring poop-inducing pills into the prank equation though, remember that someone’s going to have to clean it up and have to explain the mess to the hotel manager.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing. Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs.

Tips for Grooms, Best men & Ushers on how to get ripped for the Big Day.

In order to get the best advice possible I approached Josh Griffiths from JG Performance. Josh lives and breathes conditioning, nutrition and has a state of the art Gym in Three Cocks near Talgarth, Mid Wales which meets all the criteria required to sculpt and tone your body to reach your desired goals.

Josh suggested that before you take the first step onto the road of becoming an Adonis for your Wedding Day you need to ask yourself what do you want to achieve and why are you going to train? Do you want to get into shape for the wedding photos and for Speedo honeymoon selfies or do you want to adopt a healthier lifestyle so that you can maintain a good physique and be healthier in the long term? He mentioned the SMART principle. Be Specific, Measure progress, plan on Achievable targets, be Realistic and have an appropriate Time-scale in mind. He suggests a minimum of a 12 week window to reach a substantial and noticeable improvement. As some engagements can last for a year before the Big Day it’s a case of the ‘sooner the better’ if you want to address body shape change.

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In order to maximize your potential, Josh highly recommends approaching a reputable Personal Trainer for a consultation to discuss your current state of health and how to go about making realistic goals. This way a programme can be established to ensure you will look as cut as ribbon at an opening ceremony.

To lose fat and gain muscle tone Josh suggests using a combination of using weights and HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). There are few benefits from spending hours at a time in the gym when with the use of HIIT you can be done and dusted in 40 minutes. In layman’s terms it consists of working at a high tempo with short breaks in between. We all lead busy lives, be it our work load, kiddywinkles, social lives or general commitments. Therefore to commit enough time to reach your fitness goals requires a bit of juggling. From a nutritional point of view Josh suggests eating a protein based breakfast and post work out proteins and carbs and always keep hydrated. If you can only fit in pre-work sessions Josh suggests using an Amino Acid supplement with breakfast because your body is still fasting as you haven’t eaten since the previous night and you will end up burning muscle tissue instead of fats which undoes all of your well-intended hard graft.

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In a nutshell  

Be SMART with your goals. Decide if it’s long term health improvement gains you’re after or a short term journey to look good for the framed Wedding photo that will be on your mantelpiece for the rest of your happily married life and your Honeymoon Instagram Banana Hammock poolside selfie. A great way to make a realistic target is to sign up for a 10k race, a Mud Run or a Tough Mudder event in advance so that you have specific motivation. Josh has entered groups of gym-goers on these events in the past as it gives people focus, it’s a good laugh and it’s an accomplishment along your journey of becoming more ripped. Hydration is vital to good health. Avoid the caffeine in energy drinks, tea and coffee. Depending on your current physical shape you will need (at the very least) 12 weeks ideally with a consultation with a Personal Trainer and most of all take the HIIT.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing.  Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs.

The history of the ‘Best man’ role. Sweeping a bride off of her feet, literally.

The ‘Best man’ is the King Dingaling of the Wedding train, make no bones about that. With this mammoth role comes immense responsibility. The Best man is the proverbial super glue that holds the wedding together. Just remember, a happy Bride stems the tide of a rough ride as long as you take pride, abide and guide or else prepare for your conkers to get royally fried. You can stoically and meticulously approach the role with individual gusto or you can swagger half arsedly through the motions, use a reputable stag company to take care of business and pay some smart arse to write your speech (see the good people at http://www.bestmanbeacon.com) and you’ll have more swagger than Jagger.

Back in a simpler time many moons ago when Monks had to drink Ale instead of water to avoid illness and an untimely, grizzly, demise the Best man role was as rough as a Woodpecker’s chin. The alleged origins of this iconic role originate from the Germanic Goth days of the 16th century. The Best man wasn’t selected because he was the only guy to befriend the groom to-be in University Halls; because he was funny; because he was the only one that the Bride to-be kind of liked or because he’s the longest serving friend. The Best man was chosen on his specific set of skills; particularly his sword ‘stabby’ skills and generally being the Rocky Claude Van Tyson dude of the village. To add an additional level of ultra violence the Groom to-be and Best man were accompanied by a band of shank wielding Ushers.

The reason behind this school of thought was that the romance that we guys are so sensitive and forthcoming with today, stood for sweet diddly squat back then. Pre Tinder, Moon Pig, Human Rights and Electricity days the bachelor would run his eye over the eligible lady folk of the village and if nobody tickled his metaphorical pickle then he and his Best man Rocky Claude Van Tyson would venture on a quest to neighboring villages to find a foxy, child bearing bachelorette. When a prospective wife was identified, the bachelor’s role was to snatch and grab her while Rocky Claude Van Tyson and his band of murderous men were fighting off her family and any other takers with their blades and by any general barbaric means available. The kidnapped filly had to always stand on the Groom to-be’s left hand side so that he could have his sword wielding hand free to fend off any wannabe ‘A-Team’ style rescue attempts.  Ah, young love. “Love is patient, love is kind, love is bashful to one’s head, love is kidnapping, love is gory and love is decapitating” Gore-inthians…

Just when you were starting to feel sick from the sugar rush of the sweet, sticky, romantic historical gestures. Another role of the Gothic Best man was to guard the ‘Precious’ wedding ring in a loco, malnourished, grey Goblin kind of extreme . He would stick to the Groom like faeces to a blanket. If anyone attempted to steal the ring, the Best man would chop the kleptomaniac down faster than the Groom to-be could say “Jog on you sticky-fingered plonker.”

So to all you Best men out there, thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to commit an assault, impersonate Golem, be involved in a kidnapping or to commit a mass cull to fulfill your duties honorably. Nowadays a winning plan would be to check out the modern responsibilities in previous blogs such as 24 hours Wedding day guide or Preparing for the Best man role

In a nutshell   

Marriage by capture occurred if there were no hotties within the shire. The Groom to-be would road trip to a neighbouring village with his hardest mate and the lads who were handiest with a blade and hand pick then acquire the foxiest chica in sight and fight off any opposing miffed relatives. The gang would then mosey on back home to tie the knot. True love conquers all.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing.  Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs

Coming up

Happy St Dwynwen’s Day (Welsh Patron St of Love). Featuring romantic Welsh wedding proposals.

The Vicar is HMS Wedding’s compass through iceberg country.

My experience of weddings as Best man, Usher and guest have made me realise the importance of the ‘forgotten person of the cloth’ who can rock a wedding like a star or can be a fun sucking abyss of blandness. Here come some tales of the good, the bad and the fugly..

One vicar was as worn out as a seasoned Pendine Sands donkey at the twilight of summer. He looked like a feral version of Mr Noel Edmonds. His breath hung in the wind after every syllable like a slap of a new-born’s nappy to the face. His jowly neck and liver spotted paws told a tale of time ravaged by the stresses of endless Sabbath responsibilities, judging village fete chutney competitions and he would clearly welcome the reaper’s bony hand putting him out of his Ground Hog Day misery. He was robotically efficient in fairness. No frills yet we knew where we all stood. This category of vicar are to be appreciated as stress will be minimal. Just lay back, close your eyes and think of the green, green, grass of home.

The stereotypical jolly Vicar is still alive and preaching like a good’un. I once saw him getting stuck in an arm chair, no word of a lie. He resembled an over-sized garden snail with a reupholstered withered shell. He’s a total ‘all-star of the cloth’. On one outing I was an Usher/bouncer outside the church door pre-wedding and the vicar and I were chatting to the Bridal troop as they arrived and his concluding words to them as he opened the door to the eagerly waiting guests and Groom were “Okay ladies. Tits and teeth. Tits and teeth.” He’s the Michael Jordan of vicars. He put us all at ease and swaggered off down the aisle like a gigantic, sassy cherub. Back of the net…

On another occasion the vicar was flat out grumpy. His sense of humour was as dry as a nun’s nasty. The wedding rehearsal for me is a great time to put the Bride and Groom to-be at ease, to establish a positive environment and reinforce a tree of trust. When the vicar tells everyone to hush up and hurry up as he wants to get back home to watch the Ospreys rugby match on telly you know you’re treading water with your dad’s wellies on. I don’t think he was cuddled much as a bambino. In fact I don’t think Jesus even loved him at all. I would go as far as to say that the bearded illusionist probably thinks he is a bit of a plonker.

My favourite vicar experience came when I was a Best man. He was a ‘Fonzy’ of a guy. Reasonably young, he liked to sink a few bevies on occasion and he was not preachy in any way shape or form out of God’s man-cave. On the eve of the wedding I ran a few potential dodgy jokes past him as I knew he was attending the wedding day in its entirety. (See Best man speech example) One of which involved a hidden tattoo the bride had of a seashell on the inside of her upper thigh. Rumour has it if you put your ear against it and listen extremely carefully you could smell the sea. The vicar laughed and high-fived me. He was a scholar and a gent from the wedding rehearsal all the way through to the ‘Chicken Dancing’ wedding night finale.

In a nut-shell

If you land an easy going, all-star of a Vicar then savour every minute and count your lucky stars. I guess it’s kind of like learning to kiss when you’re young. Sometimes you’re going to bang teeth or chafe your lips with a brace and then you get a good kisser, post Cherry Drop and it’s plain sailing/smooching. Perhaps you need to experience an angry or crusty clergyman before you can truly appreciate a cracker. My only Yoda like advice would be “Patient and open you must be and a good chance of success you will have.”

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing.

Coming up

’24 Hours’ – 1 full turn of the earth on it’s axis. Most days blur into the other 364. Other days will be remembered until you gasp your last breath. The Wedding day through the eyes of the guys.

Battle of the Bridezilla. “We’re gonna need a bigger Best man.”

My numerous Wedding day ‘coordinator’ roles tend to arouse curiosity. The minute I tell people that I’m a Bride Wedding Negotiator (BWN), they want to know what it’s like to talk to people who are flirting with absolute desperate scenarios that could de-rail into a crisis at any second.

Since I was 22, friends, family and onlookers have encouraged me to jot down my chronicles over the last decade of working within such intense pressurized combat zones and share the lessons I have learned in convincing unstable people to down their weapons and surrender peacefully. I have gathered intelligence and established protocol in bargaining approaches, high-risk taking, crisis negotiating and evacuation procedures.

The Bridezilla is what is known in the trade as a Catastrophizer. They can be very unhinged, erratic and can explode without warning. Alone, they can be managed with tact (avoiding additional stress such as ‘not’ sharing the Stag Do stripper war stories of the Groom), by using positive language (the power outage with the knackered Marquee generator will only add to the ambiance), managing emotions of the Bride (exiting stage left), having contingency plans (Spa days, Chick flicks, “Look over there” and any other possible distractions.)

Having a strong and reliable Task Force around you is the best form of advice I can offer. If you have patience and creativity within the Task Force of people around you and the collective willingness to ‘do whatever it takes’ to diffuse the stress bomb that is the Bridezilla; then you are as ready as the maiden cliff top flight of a Barnacle Goose chick. The usual suspects are the Groom, Ushers, father of the bride and anyone who you would trust with your last Rolo. It’s of the up-most importance to adopt the patience of William Wallace. “Hold. Hold. Hoold. Hooold. Hoooold. NOW!!” Then chop the target down like the ‘Warrior Poets’ you are.

The Bridezillas of the wedding world are few and far between. You are more likely to come across a Bride who is a legend for 99% of the time and then when you least expect it their meticulous plan will hit a pot-hole on the road to the big day and you will have a ‘Wild Cat’ on your hands. (Don’t promise anything you can’t deliver and save the Groom to-be like you’re diving on a rogue grenade to save him.) The Bride’s I have had the pleasure of being a Best man or Usher for have been totally chilled, minimal stress and we’re still talking to this day. ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’. Be prepared, stay safe and if in doubt, stop, drop and roll.

As always take a look at ‘our services’ if you require any assistance.

Coming up – Best man experience number two. Speech highlights of a fun-packed, free reigned crack at the Best man title.

Next Blog Mother In Law

The Usher’s Parable

I am going to share my adventures and the experiences that friends have had down the route of being an Usher/Groomsman. A ‘Parable’ is defined as – A story that is used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson. I can’t fathom a more appropriate explanation of the Usher’s role. Arguably, bar the speech, this is a tougher job than being a Best man. As the Best man chills at the alter grinning like a Cheshire Cat with the Groom on the Wedding day cwtched up on their cotton wool wrapped pedestal, the Ushers are getting their hands dirty on the front line. The Ushers are doing anything from Car Parking duties; showing the guests to their pews; acting as the last line of defence by the church door in case a volatile ex attempts to rock up; to shepherding the guests for photos; to acting as a peacemaker should any evening guests get a little fighty; to even cleaning up the potty should an excitable, petite guest try to chug two bottles of vino on an empty stomach in an hour and leave ‘Exorcist’ style projectile carnage in her wake. It was like a scene out of ‘Nam’ and not Chelte’nham’.

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Last line of defence

The entire wedding expedition can be as unpredictable as a drunk Elk in an orchard long after apple picking season is over. If un-planned expect more cock-ups than in a Red Light District. If you are clued up on what is expected of you and are alert in case of any outlandish surprises then that will stand you in good stead. (See 7Ps blog) If the Best man is the Striker and in pole-position to score then the Ushers are the defenders at the back preventing any slippery attackers from hitting the back of their net. Initially you have the Stag Do juggernaut to contend with. The Stag Do (previous blog) can get unruly faster than you can say “Ow, that nipple tassel just hit me right in the eye.” Unless you’ve got a Best man who’s a total legend then be prepared to step up to the mark and help out when required. I’m not suggesting you do a ‘Donnie Brasco’ and snitch on all of the reveller’s shenanigans. I would suggest that if any ‘Loose Cannons’ (See blog) go Bat Turd loco then help the Best man out and reign them in a touch. On the Wedding week the best approach is to communicate clearly with the rest of the team so that everyone knows their roles. Weather that be directing traffic or ferrying around for last minute pick-ups at the Florists, Tailors and so on and so forth. If you avoid stepping up and taking on responsibilities expect to be as successful as the chat-up line “I like your eyes. Can I keep them?”

Too many bowls of ‘loud mouth soup’

On the Wedding day people are in the unusual scenario of being seated for an extended period of time, they’re dolled up in their best bib and tucker, have access to ‘free alcohol’ (to an extent) and are often seated with friends who they haven’t seen for ages. Inevitably some people will get excited. Enter Giggly Drunk, Tipsy Wipsy, Emotional Drunk, the Hulk Smash, Look at Me!! and the Projectile Canon. If you can go above and beyond and keep an eye out for the last three drunkard styles then you can avoid either separating fisticuffs, awkward moments or cleaning up the aftermath of projectile fine dining and ‘Time Travel Juice’. The most appreciated Usher involvement in my opinion is definitely if a guest plays the ‘Look At Me’ card. The Best man has a tough enough job with the speech so if someone heckles him in a menacing way it can be as awkward as Rain Man on a Speed Dating night. Be a metaphorical “excellent driver” and discuss with the other Ushers and Bridesmaids on a tactical pre-emptive strike.

In a nut-shell

Communicate with the Best man and Groom to make yourself aware of your expectations. Don’t get yourself stuck in a hole and try to dig yourself out. Get your ‘dancing daps’ on and live the Ushering dream.

Coming up.

Home weddings vs overseas weddings