‘The Wedding Guy-Way Code’ publishing pitch.

Here’s my pitch for a potential publishing project called ‘The Wedding Guy-Way Code’. Cheers.

A synopsis detailing the purpose, scope and intention of the project; Chapter breakdown showing the proposed structure of the book; Consumer profile defining the target market;
Some sample text to show writing and presentation style;
your qualifications and credentials for writing the book;

Synopsis.
The premise of The Wedding Guy-Way Code is to make one of life’s potentially most stressful experiences a lot more manageable and enjoyable.
Why buy a copy of The Wedding Guy-Way Code? Because every aspect of the Groom, Best Man, Usher and Father of the Bride’s responsibilities are presented in a bite sized format. One of the most dreaded responsibilities for the guys involved in a Wedding is the speech. We cover everything from overcoming nerves, breaking down the structure of speeches so that you can personalise them and also have Groom, Best man and Father of the Bride speech plans.
What qualifies me to pipe up and offer wedding advice? I have been fortunate to have been a Best Man on four occasions, an Usher several times, a Master of Ceremonies and have written more speeches and tutored more Best Men, Groom’s, Ushers and Bridesmaids than you can shake a flute of Prosecco at.
We will also delve into the potentially mucky and murky world of the Stag Do…. We cover such subjects as To Lap-Dance or not to Lap-Dance?! How to handle loose-cannons; Keeping the Bride to-be sweet and the ‘Must Dos and Do nots’.
You may think that this armours any guy for any potential nuptial trapdoors on the Wedding journey ahead. Well my friend you may well be mistaken as we also cover three Survival Guides. Number 1 ‘Bridezilla’. Number 2 ‘The Mother in-law’ and Number 3 ‘The Wedding Fayre’. Just for good measure we give you a leg-up in the wedding night leg-over stakes so that you consummate your wedding like a champ and also talk about handling Cold Feet if you’re struggling to keep your balance on the marital plank.
If you Google ‘Weddings’ you will quickly realise that 99% of sites you find are specifically geared at the Bride to-be and us guys are expected to turn up, be as chilled as a Jamaican Yogi and pull off a legendary speech. The Wedding Guy-Way Code is here to be your Fool Proof Guide on all that is the wedding. We will be your shining beacon on the night shores of a stormy squall. Good luck and just remember ‘When in Rome…’

Premise.
The premise of this book is best summed up by one of my favourite actors, the late, great Mr Chris Farley from the film ‘Tommy Boy’. “You can get a great view of a T-Bone by sticking your head up a bull’s ass but I’d rather take the Butcher’s word for it.” In other words I’ll be your Butcher. You can ask lots of people, aimlessly search the internet for jokes and toasts or hunt on YouTube for hours of Best Man speeches or you can save yourself a lot of time and have a gander at the pages ahead. Here you can get everything you need to know about organising a Stag Do, a break down on Best Man responsibilities and advice on composing a Best Man, Groom and Father of the Bride speech.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve been asked to be a Best Man. This is either exciting for you or filling you full of dread. The way I look at it, it’s like being asked to ride at a Rodeo. You ride her until she bucks you or you don’t ride her at all. Just remember if you feel it’s too overwhelming you’ve always got the Ushers (Rodeo Clowns) to help you out. I hope my advice will be a beacon for you to achieve some sense in the wilderness that is the chaotic pressured world of being a Groom, Best Man, Usher and Father of the Bride. More so, if you learn from my successes and cock-ups you will pull off all expectations in your stride with the strut of a young Travolta.
I am going to share all the pearls of wisdom I have learned through trial and error over the years. It’s a total honour to be asked to be the ‘Glue’ for the biggest day of a people’s lives. A day which they and their families will remember for the rest of their lives. No worries then… I’m going to share advice to ease the pressure so that you can be confident in knowing that all bases are covered whatever your responsibilities.

Chapter Breakdown
Introduction – As above in the Synopsis and Premise.

The Stag Do – We look at every aspect of organizing, planning and pulling off a successful home and away Stag Do.
Tackling Speech Nerves and Preparation – We break down and offer bite size advice on relaxation and preparation.

Planning your Best Man and Groom Speech – I use my experience of speeches as well as the advice I have given to dozens of Best Men and Grooms I have tutored. Including a specific, traditional itemized plan to ensure all bases are covered.
The Role of the MC – Step By Step guide on how to successfully fulfill the role of the wedding Master of Ceremonies.

Managing the Wedding Day – A Wedding Day timeline focusing on your expectations as a Best Man and Groom, including pieces of advice to keep the day stress-free and manageable.

The Role of the Groomsmen – ‘The Usher’s Parable’ is a comical look at how to be a successful Groomsman and how to avoid common blips and disasters.

Popular School Boy Errors (Getting Married Abroad and a Vegas Wedding.) – An insight into classic faux pas for the Groom and Best Man including pre-nuptial disasters, Spray Tanning mishaps, Pros and Cons of overseas Weddings and a glimpse at the highs and lows of a Las Vegas Wedding.

Potential Potholes in the Road (Bridezilla, Mother in Law and the Wedding Fayre) – A comprehensive Survival Guide for a Bunny Boiling Bride, a loco Mother-In-Law and the dreaded Wedding Fayre.
Consummation – A leg up on getting your leg over. Practical pointers on being a legend on your Wedding night.

Mr Cold Feet – Advice on attaining a calm and relaxed emotional state if any potential doubts sneak in.
Final Thoughts

Consumer profile defining the target market

Since we set up my Best Man Tips website bestmanbeacon.com in October 2014 I can confidently say that there is a niche in the Wedding industry for men. We have uploaded 36 Blogs since we began culminating in nearly 4,000 visitors and over 6,000 views. I have written and tutored approximately 20 Best Men, Grooms, Father of the Brides and Bridesmaids over this time. I have also been approached by Wedding Venues, Wedding photographers, members of the Fitness industry and Stag Companies to facilitate Guest Blogs.
The vast majority of social media, magazines and society are blatantly geared towards the ladies. Therefore guys have to rely on word of mouth or searching the internet to find the advice and information they need to fulfil their wedding responsibilities. We offer a handy short-cut for guys and allow them to access all they need to know all in one place. A ‘One Stop Shop’ if you like.
We have always focused on sharing all the relevant information a man requires for his wedding duties from a comical perspective delivering a balance between practical advice and quirky humour.
Our target market are Grooms, Best Men, Groomsmen/Ushers and Fathers of the Bride. As it’s a manual, it’s an ideal purchase as a gift from partners who want to help their other halves to prepare for upcoming wedding responsibilities too.
The role of the Best Man is intrinsic to a successful, stress free Wedding Day (Wedding build up). We offer advice on the whole journey from the Stag Do, the Wedding day responsibilities, all the way past the speech and beyond.
Any information you can supply on other books in the same area and how yours is different or better
We have had 6,120 views of our blogs on bestmanbeacon.com to date and have been approached by Stag Do and Wedding Venue guest bloggers who have all shared that it’s difficult for men to be included and float in an industry saturated in favour of the ladies. I have attended Wedding Fayres in a speech writing service capacity, ran workshops at wedding Fayres and it’s glaringly obvious that wedding services are almost completely geared towards the Bride. The feedback I have experienced is that we offer something completely unique within the industry.
Therefore I think ‘The Wedding Guy-Way Code’ can be a comical manual for guys to have a niche voice in a one sided market. I have seen a variety of Best Man Speech books which are fairly dry and helpful for the speech. I haven’t seen anything as entertaining and comprehensive as our book. I think it’s a unique statement that can stand out among the Wedding book market. It’s fun, different and extremely useful.
Some sample text to show writing and presentation style

‘NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION’ when it comes to HANDLING PRE-SPEECH NERVES. Here’s HOW TO BE AS COOL AS THE PROVERBIAL CUCUMBER AND NOT SHUDDER LIKE A DEFECATING POOCH.

The immense crippling nerves that are commonly associated with public speaking and Best Man speeches in particular are one of life’s conundrums. Such as, why is the ‘Letter S’ in the word ‘Lisp’? Why is the word ‘Dyslexic’ a high scoring Scrabble word? Why does Coke taste better out of a glass bottle than out of a can? Why does a dog feel confident to attack a moving car yet if a vacuum cleaner is turned on near them they freak out more than a wine connoisseur finding out a novice wine taster is chewing bubble-gum? It’s more annoying than the incorrect overuse of the word ‘literally’ or the incorrect use of the word ‘pacific’ instead of ‘specific’. Without being pacific this literally drives me nuts. Some things in this universe are just too loco to comprehend and the list is longer than an MP’s expense claim form.

Don’t let the speech become the Elephant in the room. The best way at combating ‘Best Man speech’ nerves is to approach it like this; ‘If you always prepare in the same way you’ve always prepared then you will always achieve what you’ve always achieved.’ Therefore if you have a negative experience in memory then approach this speech differently and treat it as a positive opportunity and not like an Albatross around your neck.
If you have crippling nerves regarding the speech then I suggest stripping everything down and approaching this opportunity differently. If you’ve suffered from nerves on a similar occasion previously then try to remember your body’s symptoms at the peak of the nerves. Common symptoms are erratic breathing, an increase in heart rate, sweating and the desire drop anchor in Pooh Bay. How you feel? (anxious, scared, trapped, isolated) and what you think? (I’m going to have a mare; I’m going to be a laughing stock; everyone knows I’m petrified) both marry up together as a negative behaviour (Common bodily symptoms above). Nerves will be a thing of the past if you feel (excited, confident, relaxed) and think (What’s the worst that could happen?! I’m not going to die up here. I’m prepared. I’ll do it like I practiced. It’s going to be a laugh and a chance to wind my mate up) then you will behave in a more confident, positive way and you will be in control.
An option which always chills me out is Yoga. I’m not suggesting for a second that you buy some incense, hug the nearest Oak Tree and start wearing linen trousers. Yoga classes focus on breathing, relaxing and focusing your mind. Once you get used to the old downward facing hound you will find ways of focusing your breathing and heart rate so that you can overcome stressful situations. When you’ve overcome the misconception that Yoga classes are full of hippies and flatulent OAPs consider these two words. Yoga Pants… The whole point is to approach the whole ’Best Man experience’ differently and in a positive way which works for you as an individual.
In bygone Best Man speeches I have witnessed, seemingly confident people fall apart at the microphone faster than a counterfeit Optimus Prime. One Best Man forgot to number his speech cards; he managed to drop them and cocked up his card order. He cracked on in a flustered, chaotic manner for 10 seconds or so and then had to sit down and the Groom tentatively had a crack at the title. It’s the closest thing to human Jenga that I’ve ever seen, the poor guy just crumbled and collapsed before our very eyes.
Another Best Man took Dutch courage to a whole new level. He drank so much he even sounded Dutch “I’d like you to all be upshtanding for a toasht.” With a few ‘F – Bombs’ thrown in willy-nilly I can safely say that he was as much use as a glove on a foot. I always have a hip flask on go on the Wedding day with my usual tipple of Mr Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum or Mrs Disaronno (other tipples are available). That way the Groom and I can have a cheeky swill to take the edge off if required. I find that a half a dozen slugs of Lucifer’s fiery sauce will suffice. If this is favourable to you then remember to pace yourself, particularly if the speeches are after the food. It can be a long shift so take it steady and don’t peak too “Shoon”.

‘BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL’ PAY ATTENTION TO BEST MAN SPEECH PREPARATION.

Before you tackle the components of a Best Man speech such as clarity, pronunciation, volume/projection, timing, topics and natural flow it’s wise to prepare as best as possible. Not everyone is comfortable with public speaking and this can breed negativity if you allow it to. From the world of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy this frame of mind is best described as a ‘NAT’. A ‘Negative Automatic Thought’ (Aaron T Beck). It’s the negative contemplation that your Best Man speech is undoubtedly going to be an utter and total shower of scheize. It’s the whole ‘Glass Half Full’ philosophy which you need to adopt. I attended a Solution Focused Brief Therapy seminar several years ago and as a result of that one day I deleted the word ‘But’ from my vocabulary. ‘But’ implies possible doubt and is ambiguous. For example if you say “I’m going to try my best with the speech but if it goes wrong I’m going to look like a penis and ruin the day.” As long as you plan and prepare the Best Man speech in ample time and follow the advice I give then you will be a success. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? You’re not going to die up there and the vast majority of guests will be rooting for you to do well. If you cover all the bases I’m about to share then you will be successful. Hakuna matata.
By nature I tend to mumble like a drunk octogenarian who’s awoken abruptly for the Queen’s speech when I talk and can speak very quickly when I’m excited to share something; particularly concerning naughtiness. All I do, is consciously slow my pace down and pronounce each word clearly. On the run up to the speech I record a practice run and watch it back to assess if there’s any areas I need to improve upon.
The 5 basic breakdown points of a Best Man speech are as follows :-
Compliments.
Thanks.
Share how and when they met. Include funny memories of them together.
Share stories of Groom’s Childhood, Teenage years and adult life.
Toast the new couple.
It’s best to approach this plan with the ‘SMART’ principle.
S – pecific
M –  easurable
A – chievable
R – ealistic
T – ime related
Specific
When complimenting during your speech, focus on how amazing the Bride and Bridesmaids look today (You may have to use a little artistic license at this point sometimes) Remember to congratulate the Flower Girls and Page Boys on a fantastic job if any are involved. This is an ideal time to perhaps read out any Wedding Cards from relatives who couldn’t make it or raise a toast to absent friends or family. Run this past the Bride and Groom so that you have the accurate information.
In terms of sharing how and when they met it’s best to use specific occasions and milestones to give a little extra sincerity and meaning. Include funny anecdotes of them together. Focussing how they met and ‘fell in love’ is a great jumping off point. Share memorable (ideally funny) stories of the Groom’s childhood, teenage years and adult life.
Measureable
I would initiate measuring from two angles. Firstly look at the overall timescale from being asked to be Best Man and the Wedding day. Trust me if you do an Ostrich and bury your head in the sand you are just turning the heat up on the pressure cooker. Be proactive and have the ‘5 Basic Breakdown Points’ written down as soon as you can. Then use the SMART principles and Bob’s your uncle and Fanny’s your aunt.
Secondly I have found that around 10 minutes is ample time to cover the ‘5 Basic Breakdown Points’ in your speech.
Achievable
If this amount of time seems like an eternity then I would encourage you to tap up other members of the Wedding party to ease the pressure. Some examples are allowing the Groom to say a few thank yous; perhaps the Chief Bridesmaid/sister would like to say a few words or read a poem or one of the Ushers may have a story they would like to share (They could speak themselves or write it down for you to relay). As long as you’ve covered the 5 areas then it’s a job well done.
Realistic
Just because you’ve seen another Best Man speech with an elaborate dance routine or show tune number it doesn’t mean you have to compete. If you fancy a ‘Crack at the Title’ then all you have to consider is the preparation time and the skills required. If you can implement a musical number, a slide-show or something that goes above and beyond then I recommend that at points 3) or 4) are your times to shine. Sandwiched by Thank yous, compliments and the concluding Toast.
Timescale
This underpins your whole planning stage from being asked to be Best Man to the Wedding Breakfast. You can view the time you have in the know as time to worry or time to plan. See ‘7 Ps’; ‘5 Basic Breakdown points’; ‘SMART Principles’ and most importantly think positively. When I have the meat to the bones of my plan I tend to record myself on my phone video recorder a week or so prior to the big day to see if I have open and relaxed body language. If possible look up from your notes occasionally and look toward the Bride and Groom to give a personal touch. Above all the most important elements to your speech after you have settled on the contents is the ‘Volume’ and the ‘Clarity’.
THE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO CONSUMMATING YOUR MARRIAGE

Consummating your nuptials to confirm to the ‘Big Man’ that you’re really, really, super, seriously committed.
Consummation is defined as ‘the action of making a marriage or relationship complete by having sexual intercourse.’ One thing that the internet has taught me apart from Charlie is a Cannibal, a Panda is petrified of it’s own sneeze and that two freaky ladies should not be left alone with one cup is that apparently only 48% of married couples consummate their marriage on their wedding night. Say what??
It’s kind of like a holy metaphorical ména trois having Mr Omnipotent guy on his cloud tutting until you seal the deal. Ironically this notion taken literally would probably make you Mr Impotent. I can imagine that as a Groom when you’re going at it like Billy-o there’s nothing like an old bearded guy in a robe to really turn you on for the first time you’re making sweet, sweet, love to your angelic, untouched, gorgeous wife. It’s also likely to be the first and last time that you are contractually obligated to honour an agreement by having sex with someone.
Going balls deep.
I have known many a Groom who have gone ‘balls deep’ with the alcohol on their Wedding day. There are many reasons for this. Perhaps they suck back on the old sauce bottle to counteract crippling nerves of making a speech; to numb the pain of listening to the Best Man’s character assassination of him; posing for countless snaps in cheesy un-natural positions; the fear of soberly cutting some shapes in front of everyone for the first dance; a feeling of impending doom of never, ever, ever docking in far away bays on the ‘Isle of Clitorati’ ever again; it’s a rare happy occasion to share celebrations with loved ones; free drinks are trickier to avoid than Candy Crush requests or perhaps the Groom simply gets swept away with the unique, awesome experience.
I can all too easily recall a Wedding where the Groom had made a boo-boo in the tailoring department regarding his trousers. I lost count of how many times he hoiked his trousers up throughout the day. By the evening he was more oiled than the Tin Man, he lost his patience while standing at the bar and he dropped trou where he stood. As the Best Man that day I went above and beyond and legged it across the dance floor and pulled his trousers back up. Thankfully this was pre facebook and Intagram days so any embarrassing Belfies were avoided. Suffice to say this excitable farmer did not plough any meadows on his wedding night.

Textbook Groom decorum
Arguably a ‘Perfect Groom’ would be sober, happy, dapper, capable of striking a ‘Blue Steel’ Duck Pout at the drop of a Top Hat, able to bust out moves like Jagger and able to consummate the marriage with all the gusto of a burly Alaskan Lumberjack splitting some seasoned kindling.
Carrying the Bride over the threshold
In these modern fast food, fast living times obesity levels have never been so high. If your beautiful Bride is on the pleasantly plump side and you’re as sturdy as a wet flannel then perhaps a little role reversal could champion the feminist ways and introduce some equality to proceedings. Perhaps the Bride could carry the Groom through the front door-way instead. Either way nobody likes a slipped disc so don’t be a hero. Play to your strengths. God speed.
Brewer’s droop
The ‘Brewers Droop’ occurs when the gent has consumed too much alcohol resulting in a flaccid mini-gent, detrimental to the required consummation. The best and least romantic description I’ve heard of the wedding night’s ‘Beast with two backs’ antics was from a Groom who termed it as “It was like trying to thread a cooked piece of Spaghetti through a key hole.” Apparently he technically consummated his nuptials by subtly and tactfully using a ‘handy’ prop as scaffolding. Where there’s a willy there’s a way some might say. Thumbs up to that innovator.

In a nut shell
If you put a legendary shift in on your Wedding night then for the rest of your marital days whenever you are feeling amorous and trying to negotiate a cheeky roll in the hay you can always softly drop into conversation, “Hey, remember our wedding night?” Alternatively if you’re passed out like a drunk hobo then your missus will never, ever let you forget it and resentment has probably already set in. According to the fallen few, loving tends to diminish post Wedding day and can be as dry as a Sahara Desert Camel Farmer’s sandal; so make hay while the sun shines fellas.
Living the Las Vegas dream…

As to Alan’s historical conundrum “Did Caesar actually live here?” The search for truth continues.
This is my account of my Best Man experience number three for my legend of a cousin. Viva Las Vegas, you are a monumental slice of incredible.
Ta-ta Wales, hola U, S of A. Every one of my senses were titillated to the max by Planet Vegas. We landed around 9pm Nevada time, dropped our luggage off at the ‘Vdara’ and ‘The Wynne’ respectively and within half an hour I was attacking a ‘Half a Yard’ of beer at Planet Hollywood like a new-born to a breast.

Everywhere I looked, everything I heard, tasted and touched was a little slice of “Wa-wa-weewa”. Just incredibly barmy and magnificent. I hit the ground scampering like a toddler at a Petting Zoo. Everything is so absurdly over the top that my little brain couldn’t keep up. Just to add an extra banana skin to the weak minded and easily influenced gentleman there are no clocks anywhere. Everything is bright 24/7 and I swear they must pump oxygen in as alertness levels were Meerkat-esque. The Cocktail Waitresses were hotter than a leather convertible car seat on a mid-summer’s afternoon, you are plied with free drinks as long as you are gambling and the question “Would you like a drink Sir?” to which I replied “You bet.” Grew thin on several Cocktail waitresses throughout my week. Oh well, when in Rome.
I spent three days livin la vida loca until the Wednesday lunch time when I crashed ‘Mr Magoo’ style half way through my Club Sandwich. My body’s internal switch was turned off faster than a male lover being called their father’s name among the throes of passion. After an extended trip to the ‘Land of Nod’ in my King Sized bed in my bedroom which had a glass wall overlooking part of The Strip. I was ready to attach the wheels back on to the wagon and have another bite at the Vegas cherry, just in time for the Wedding preparation.
The Stag Do consisted of a cheeky visit to Mandalay Bay to watch an Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) event. Not too shabby I might add. An electric atmosphere, gifted sports people and pints of Rum made for a ruddy ace experience. The ladies ventured to a Cirque De Soleil tumbling spectacular for their Hen Do which they loved too.

The wedding took place on the Friday in the Wynne’s wedding chapel. The atmosphere and environment were opulent and classy. The hotel wedding crew were so professional, stress free and tailored the day to the couple’s requests. The morning of the wedding was arguably the most chilled out Wedding day preparation I’ve ever experienced. It was Makeover o’clock for the ladies while the Groom and I had a few steady tipples and played a little Roulette. The wedding was uploaded live on the tinternet so that the family could all watch it back home in the UK and my duties consisted of the basic formalities of looking after the wedding rings and making a congratulatory toast post wedding breakfast. Simples.

The only negative experience I had was that I got hit on a number of times each and every night by women who am not ashamed to say were solid 9’s compared to my ‘6 on a good hair day’. “Poor old you.” I hear you say. The conversations usually took the path of “I love your British accent” “Wow you must look after yourself” “Are you going to buy me a drink” to “So, I’m $300 for the first hour then $250 dollars for each additional hour”. They were ‘Ladies of the Night’ (or Ladies of the day, it was hard to know without a clock) If you don’t weigh in, you don’t Wrestle. I had no intentions of weighing in and my self-esteem was lowered no end. On numerous occasions I was nearly caught in a trap and by the end of the week I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going when talking to women. Were they ‘Painted Ladies’ or just tipsy hot women who were lowering their standards a tad? Eenie meenie miney ‘Pro’… One thing’s for sure, I had a suspicious mind with each and every conversation.

“You’re only supposed to blow the bloody wedding shoot.” Mr Caine offered his congratulation during the Wedding photos, no big deal. Top bloke.
In a nutshell
Planet Las Vegas is amazing. It comes at a pretty penny and if you’re not a drinker, gambler or appreciator of beautiful people then shy away from the idea. It’s Stag heaven. There is nothing you can’t do. The rule-book has been thrown out. In fact I would go a step further and say the rule-book has been buried in an unmarked shallow grave in the Mojave Desert somewhere. The Wedding Day experience was finely tuned, stress free and stunning. ‘Viva Las Vegas’.
Traditional Church Weddings versus eloping to an overseas paradise
This debate is as contentious as what’s best? ‘Radiator Undies’ in the winter months or getting a cwtch from your mum after you’ve fallen off of your BMX in your primary years? Let the deliberation commence.
Argument ‘for’ tying the knot off into the wide blue yonder
I’ve been a lucky sausage and attended a hat-trick of overseas weddings. I’ve toasted to the happy couples in Brisbane, Jamaica and Las Vegas. Being a Welsh man, the sun is as likely to be seen in the sky as much as a vegetarian is likely to be seen in an abattoir. Therefore a Wedding in more tropical climates than in Abercwm-nosun is a guaranteed people pleaser. “The sun isn’t everything” I hear you old fashioned partisan traditionalists say. Well, when you have a Mojito in one hand, you’re perched on a seat in a pool up to your waist at a ‘swim up pool side bar’ and scantily clad beauties are frolicking around you then I beg to differ. Jamaica’n me nostalgic mon…
Another winner is that a wedding abroad in my experience has been as relaxed as a melted Choc Ice. Particularly in Jamaica. Our airport transfer bus driver on arrival was more laid back than a broken deck-chair. He was the most chilled out man I’ve ever encountered. It was fair to say he hadn’t ‘shot the Sheriff’, however he had most definitely blazed up a ‘Fatty’ while driving the bus. A cliff top wedding overlooking the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean was one of the most stunning weddings I have ever experienced. Yea mon.

One hour til the nuptials.
If I could personify the Oz wedding as a Sheila, it ‘banged like a dunny door’. It was epic. Once again I experienced an outdoor Wedding, this time overlooking a pristine golf course near Brisbane. The traditional free bar was a humdinger and with my pastey complexion I stood out like a Bull Dog’s balls. As soon as the locals realised I wasn’t a ‘Pom’ they gave me a fair suck at the sauce bottle and many a bond were formed. This provided its own uniqueness. Another benefit of a Wedding in foreign climbs is that you can explore new and amazing sights. Home based Weddings, as beautiful as they can be, can often blur into one another. A Wedding abroad most certainly will not be forgotten.

Drinking it in.
Arguments ‘against’ flying the coop and keeping it gangsta in the hood
If you’re like me and you’re ideal temperature is 20 degrees Celsius, then being dolled up in your Penguin Suit while hotter than a mid-summer terracotta Otter in 30 plus degree heat isn’t the most comfortable of times. At least a home Wedding provides a cooler climate so that you aren’t sweating like a Sumo Wrestler on a cross-trainer.
It’s more inclusive to all. Apart from a Wedding gift the guests don’t have to cough up an arm and a leg for a flight. Also, you don’t have to experience great aunty Gladys unkempt foliage in a bikini if you handle your nuptials in your shire.
In a nut shell
On a foreign encounter you can contain your guest list to a chosen tight knit squad, so uncle Plonker and aunty Wassock can fall by the wayside and chances are you will not need your umbrella-ella-ella.
Getting married in your shire will keep the traditionalists happy and you won’t have to guilt trip family or friends into spending top dollar on a jet away. Your ‘It’s insanity if it’s not Christianity’ relatives will be happy that you may choose to do the deed in the big man’s house. Mo Wedding guests mo presents..
‘What qualifies me to pipe up and offer wedding advice? I have been fortunate to have been a Best Man on four occasions, an Usher several times, a Master of Ceremonies and have written more speeches and tutored more Best Men, Groom’s, Ushers and Bridesmaids than you can shake a flute of Prosecco at.’
I hope you have found my above examples entertaining and you agree with me that there is a niche in the Wedding market for a guide for the guys then feel free to get in touch.
Thank you for your time and the opportunity to share my idea.
Barry.

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The Bride’s journey to body beautiful.

In my experience in the roles of being a Best man and an Usher it’s unbelievable how much pressure is on the Bride in particular to look her best on her Wedding day and as a general rule the Groom can rock up, don a fancy suit, brush his locks and his work is pretty much done. There’s also an abundance of pressure for the Bride to look her best for the Wedding photos which will serve as a snap-shot reminder of the day until death do you part from your Hubby-licious. Therefore the last thing you want is for a framed picture of your Wedding day to be placed on your mantelpiece as a safety precaution to scare any kid’s away from playing too close to the fire.

In life we have two routes to our goal; commit and go the distance or look for a shortcut. When it comes to lasting results in terms of body conditioning there is no such thing as a ‘lasting’ short cut. In order to give all you beautiful Brides-to-be out there the best advice possible I have picked the brains of gym owner, Personal Trainer and all round top bloke Josh Griffiths of JG Performance. Josh’ gym is situated in Three Cocks, near Talgarth in Mid-Wales. He has been running High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) Boot Camps for the last few years. (HIIT training basically means working hard in short bursts of vigour sandwiched with recovery periods) They involve Boot Campers committing to three 45 minute weekly sessions over a period of a month. Josh recommends that if you want to make significant, noticeable progress you must commit to at least 12 weeks of HIIT training and clean living. He champions positive long term lifestyle changes over quick fixes.

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Training

Before you even begin Josh emphasises the importance you need to ask ‘What am I trying to achieve?’ and to be SMART. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and work to a Timescale) At the Boot Camps Josh uses a combination of calisthenics (Body Weight exercises) such as squats, crunches and skipping married up with Kettle-Bell exercises, shuttle runs and all things High Intensity. The benefits of a Boot Camp is that you have contemplated the idea, now you’ve paid your hard earned cash committing you to a month’s camp and motivation will be on tap as you will be a member of a team of women who all have a common goal. Josh pointed out that one of the main factors to making the most out of this training opportunity is the camaraderie that develops within the group dynamic. ‘Sisters are doing it for themselves.’

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 Clean living

From a nutritional point of view Josh suggests eating a protein based breakfast and post work out proteins and carbs and always keep hydrated. If you’re sessions are early morning efforts then Josh suggests using an Amino Acid supplement with breakfast because your body is still fasting as you haven’t eaten since the previous night and you will end up burning muscle tissue instead of fats which undoes all of your well-intended hard graft. Nobody is suggesting that you live like a monk and ‘It’s all about the gains, about the gains no Vino.’ In moderation Alcohol brings lowered inhibitions and a temporary stress relief to proceedings and in excess it comes with empty calories, dehydration and hangovers. Clean living and HIIT training successes come hand in hand. What you put into the Boot Camp is what you will get out of it.

In a nutshell

Be SMART with your goals. Decide if it’s long term health improvement gains you’re after or a short term journey to look good for the framed Wedding photo or for the Honeymoon Instagram poolside and Cocktail Bikini ‘Belfie’. Hydration is vital to good health. Avoid the caffeine in energy drinks, tea and coffee. Depending on your current physical shape you will need (at the very least) 12 weeks ideally with a consultation with a Personal Trainer, take the Boot Camp challenge and most of all take the HIIT.

Find out more information on JG Performance here 

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing.  Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs.

‘St Dwynwen’s Day’. Inspiring Welsh Proposals since the 5th Century

Sunday the 25th of January is ‘Dydd Santes Dwynwen’ ‘St Dwynwen’s Day’ also known as Welsh Valentine’s Day.

The story originates many moons ago before the days of the twittersphere, Simon Cowell, Smart Phones and internet dating. Back then entertainment came in the form of ‘Corracle Racing’, Leek growing and telling folktales to friends and family. The tale transports us back to 5th Century Wales when a young women called Dwynwen fell head over heels in love with a gent called Maelon Dafodrill. Apparently Dwynwen’s father had beef with her choice of beau and forbid her to pursue her love. So distraught at the thought of the romance not being blessed she found solace in her faith. She prayed to God vigorously to help her fall out of love with her hunk and one day an angel visited her in her dreams. The angel manifested with a potion designed to erase any memory of Maelon and for good measure, turned him into a block of ice. The angel like a holy Genie (minus a brass lamp) granted Dwynwen three wishes. She wished for Mr Frosty to thaw out, for God to allow all true loves to be together and for her to never tie the knot. We will never know if Dwynwen had a penchant for the local hallucinating fungi or if the angel explained to Maelon why he was temporarily cryogenically frozen. What we do know is that unrequited love is as fun as stubbing your toe on the Coffee Table leg. St Dwynwen does provide an opportunity to celebrate your love for your partner with a romantic proposal.

Married Life: The final frontier. This is the voyage of a brave little soldier. It’s a journey until the end of days. To explore and discover the thrust of curiosity, to seek out new stresses and amazing memories, to boldly go where no bachelor has gone before… Marriage.

I totally understand that as I’m a single cat the fact that I’m writing about marriage proposals is as ironic as Psychic Sandra cancelling her tour due to unforeseen circumstances. I’ve seen it dozens of times with friends and family. They meet a young filly or a young buck and they get lost in each other’s eyes for hours at a time. ‘Sat Nav Eyes’ if you will. Then a wedding is as inevitable as a Bull making an unnecessary mess in his local China Shop. “All you need is love”.

In my eyes marriage is like a bowel movement. (Bear with me) It can go as smoothly as an Otter sliding off a river bank into the tepid waters below or it splutters like Postman Pat’s van’s exhaust pipe. Either way the unbelievable synergy between two human beings where they succumb to reckless abandonment and total vulnerability to each other is an exceptional gift not to be sniffed at.

As a lot of people have more baggage than a Heathrow Airport arrival’s conveyor belt, it’s a commendable and defenceless leap of faith to throw yourself on the grenade that is The Proposal. Friends have shared that they felt extremely nervous and there’s always a rascal of an inner monologue who says “If this goes ‘breasts up’ you’re going to feel as awkward as the first person who threw the baby out with the bath water.” Like a sneeze during a first kiss, a disastrous proposal is extremely hard to recover from.

A proposal needs to be memorable and a snap-shot of the extreme love and respect that a partner has for their prospective wife/hubbie. From what I can gather, the more thoughtful the better.

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Inspirational and unique proposal. Watch this champ’s efforts.

A great mate of mine used his girlfriend’s (now Ball & Chain) love of Custard Creams biscuits to seal the proposal deal. During a relaxing, countryside, summer’s day picnic he used a ‘Hansel and Gretel’ style approach (minus the cannibalistic witch who was baked to death in her own oven) to lead her to an eye level branch nearby. There lay a single biscuit with an engagement ring perched on top. This proposal took the biscuit.

Another great pal surprised his girlfriend (now his Trouble and Strife) with an artistic and candle lit bid for her lifelong partnership. As a manual working, hard man grafter he is not known for grand romantic gestures. When his girlfriend walked into their living room after work and saw candles laid out on the floor in the shape of a heart with an engagement ring protruding from an open box, she was as happy as a Clam.

In a nut shell

Above all, ‘Love is patient, love is kind’… If you present a half arsed proposal you may end up as a patient at your local ‘A & E’ and you may be kindly asked to “Jog on you plank”.

If you want to seal the deal with a little bit of emotional blackmail and you have a baby then all you have to do is buy a “Will you marry my Daddy?” onesie. Same goes for a pet. Nothing says “I love you” quite like an excitable, slobbering Pug with an engagement ring slathered in drool attached to their collar.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing.  Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs

Coming up

Wedding faux pas and generally party fouls.