Best man experience number four for my best mate.
On paper this speech was potentially a sticky wicket as there were wedding guests present who had sat through a Best man speech of mine previously. Therefore I couldn’t recycle any old gags as I would be rumbled as a one trick pony. Another additional hurdle was that the beautiful and wicked bride-to-be requested that I introduce a Ukulele to proceedings. I’m not a natural musician, in fact I would say that I am as useful with instruments as a sandpaper pole is in a Lap Dancing Club. None the less I bought a Uke, learned four basic chords, experimented with a few cheeky parodies and strummed away for a few months like a nymphomaniac senorita stranded on a desert island.
The Groom was my best mate of twenty years which gave me oodles of anecdotal nonsense to draw upon. We were each other’s Wing Man from 11 years old so we went through puberty, pulling, dodgy Bowl Cut & Under Cut hair do’s and we experienced many a ‘Cider Visor’ disaster together.
I have recommended in previous blogs that 10 minutes is ample time to cover all aspects of a Best man speech. These include compliments, thanks, share romantic tales of the couple, share anecdotal cringey stories of the Groom and the finishing strokes involve a toast to the newlyweds. As you will see later this was the case here and the additional 8 minutes was designated to a cheesy, parody corner which contains as much rhythm as a Camel on a Bouncy Castle. On the morning of the wedding I nonchalantly asked the Bridesmaids if they could help me during the speech later on and that was as far as I went…. Just after 10 minutes into the speech I summoned the four troopers up to the mic stand with me and I handed them Maracas, a Slide Whistle and a Triangle in turn. I also gave them prop signs reading “Ooh” “Arr” “Ooh” “Arr” to encourage wedding guest participation during a Worzels’ parody aimed at the Father Of The Bride who is a Farmer/Trucker and is harder than a Woodpecker’s top lip. No pressure then.
As I knew that the mother of the Bride were great sports I decided to serenade her with an out of tune rendition of ‘Wild Thing’ just for good measure too. She took it like a champ.
On the whole the guests were from the agricultural fraternity and there was also a religious contingent present so I had to bear that in mind throughout planning the speech so that there wouldn’t be any tears before bed time if I in some way insulted the bearded puppeteer in the clouds or poked too much fun at sheep or tractors.
As with every effort in life Lady Luck is a welcome ally. About 5 minutes in I gamble with a subtle innuendo regarding a ‘Beaver’ gag (pardon the pun) and in hindsight this could of gone down like a pooh in a swimming pool at a Birthday Pool Party. Thankfully a balloon is randomly popped right on ‘ver’ so I could mosey on ‘Tut free’ with the rest of the speech.
A huge note of gratitude to the whole wedding guest contingent. We had an amazing day and epitomized good times by eating, drinking, dancing like nobody was watching and generally were very, very merry.
As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing. Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs pop your tootsies up and enjoy.